for being a selfcentred arse in her last post.

i hope you all are fine, this new year's eve. vaish, you especially.

just not the right time.

ugh, i have a headache and i'm running a temp, my back is absolutely killing me; frost is an obtuse, postulating bugger who's about to make me kill something, but no i can't even go kill something because i locked myself out of the mud til jan 3 so i i could get some work done.

and i just saw my sister reading her friend's blog- the stereotypical black on darker black, with some rubbish pop-rock blaring on load (bad embedded music is probably my number 1 design peeve) full of angsty, hate-towards-parents etc type posts and i realise that i am so bitter, snide and condescending about blogging. i don't think i'll pick it up again, after the destruction three months ago.

blogging is rubbish!
i troll mercilessly!
feel my hypocritical angst!

i sob on atlas' shoulder!

(yeah i couldn't feel more rubbishy, what with a keyboard that creates its own typoes while i'm trying to write the woodpile essay [already frustrating]) massive attack isn't helping; neither is portishead.

here's another reason for heartbreak when I leave batchelor's. Have felt a growing sense of attachment to Theo esp when he just comes up to you and hangs out... the sort of hanging out I've always wanted with people... you know, the kind that doesn't require words and you're comfortable non the less... and he likes your company and you like his. (should I say it's?)

And how theo comes up when you're half asleep and walks all over you and butts his head against yours and keeps trying to sleep with his fur right at your nose. And how when you ignore him he curls up under the sheets and sits there contently as if saying "you're busy? Oh whatever, I'll just sit here"

I guess the best kinda of friendship grows out of circumstance. Like when you're just put together (eg. live together) as oppose to when you plan everything. but heck, not all of us are lucky enough to have circumstance favor us.

Ya'll probably think I'm mad talking this way about a cat but I really really like theo. :-(

i will finish my iseas report before the party. i will i will i will. i must.

I have so much more of a life when i have my own home, my own computer, my own kitchen, my own pool. Damn... I'm going to go back to being an incomplete girl in 4 days. How depressing. Ntg more complete than this. :-(

hellOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long time no bloggg sophies still asleep and im late for sch already o stash it slosh slosh so. .wads up im bored n tired homework undone like a railroad bum i try i try

long story short, i thought the 3 CDs (strokes, manics, clash) that i'd lent to kitson had somehow got spoilt while in his charge- so this conversation ensued.

kitson:
let me put your mind to rest
their fine
mostly
claud:
MOSTLY
and bad english- they're fine.
kitson:
i know
just realised
claud:
they're- contraction of they are. their- pronoun.
tsks.
kitson:
DON'T PATRONISE ME!!!!!
THAT'S MY JOB!!!
I'M (part) ENGLISH!

well, there you go! if we ever needed a reminder. -__-

hahaha such lovely j1s from my church coming to rj next year.

-subtext subtext-

anywayyy. happy day-after-christmas everyone =)

-_- claud, perhaps you should update the "whatnot" column?

oh have you been to the new campus it's very impressive. not that i don't prefer, and won't miss, the old one, at this point in time anyway. i love the trees there. especially the flame-of-the-forest one (the one with the orangey flowers in the archery part of the field). and the narrow corridors and peeling paint and graffiti, and the used feel you get everywhere--lt4, the steps outside lt4, the tses, the mushrooms under the tree outside ts2, the top step of the spexgall, the railing on one side of canteen (the side nearer the parade square) (and i hate to say this, but yes, the toilets have that feel too. though it is considerably less pleasant).

anyway. a spanking new building. i wonder where that phrase originated from ;p haha.

but the new lts don't have steps outside (i -think-, can't remember), so thankfully there will be no more incidences of me walking down halfway, looking up to talk to someone, thinking i am at the bottom of the steps, and falling off the rest of them. unless it occurs inside the lt (hopefully not as the drop in lt1 is Very Scary).

OH AND THERE IS A CATWALK IN THE PERFORMING CENTRE OR DRAMA CENTRE or whatever it's called. the black thing on top where you can walk around and drop things on unsuspecting people's heads. it looks absolutely fascinating.

wish there were more trees, though. the day we went it was so glaring and bare.

yes Our Grace has gone public. you may invade her privacy through the link on the left hand bar.

in other news, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! this is an order to get out and stuff yourself and get sloshed and whatever else it is that you have to do to have a great christmas. :D

I really want to do homework. But I can't bring myself to do it today.

knock knock.
who's there?
ho ho ho!
ho ho ho who?
ho ho ho hooooooooo stole the cookie from the cookie jar??
uh, uh, uh, SANDY! yes sandy stole the cookie from the - no it wasnt me i swear - what chocolate thumbprints - no santa no i've been a good boy all year nooooooooooooooo.....

a bit of christmas humour there for ya ;) laugh all the way to your antacids!

I've sort of (with the exception of somethingood) been having the time of my life. Not that somethingood is bad but it's been so so heavy and draining but now that it's over i Finally have time for myself!!!!!! Quite excited about these last days at batchelor's place. It's awesome having a place to myself (and choon and grace sporadically- we all come back really really late and them later than me) and having had a taste of 'my own place' I quite dread returning to the halls of Raffles Institution. Indeed, not a good thought. I mean, I haven't had a bathtub since I moved ot my new place in Malaysia (p3?) and now I get to have baths instead of showers every single day. It is a fantabulous experience just soaking in a hot tub every single bloody day! *said in delight* and having a phone in my room and a huge bed and aircon every single night. This is a luxury I will want back as soon as possible.

One of my greatest wishes for these two years of JC life is to host a sleepover. It'd never crossed my mind as possible since I can't exactly invite everyone over to RI but now that it's a possibility... *dream dream dream* But then, Kitty's having his party on 27th so it doesn't look like there's much chance of it happening. I really want to have people over.. I love having people over. Love having people for dinner love having sleepovers and it does make me quite guilty coz I always have to bug others to throw these things.

Anyway, speaking of palatables, today I cooked my very first meal (all on my own) that I'm completelyt satisfied with. I think it tasted fantabulous. Am so so so pleased. Feeling so so so accomplished. I think my life would be perfect if only it could remain like this forever. This is my dream life. Finally found it. wow.

Project Implicit

another wossname you lot may like.

"...It is well known that people don't always 'speak their minds', and it is suspected that people don't always 'know their minds'. Understanding such divergences is important to scientific psychology.

This web site presents a method that demonstrates the conscious-unconscious divergences much more convincingly than has been possible with previous methods. This new method is called the Implicit Association Test, or IAT for short."

merry christmas and mistletoe to you all dears. (:

teh pro cann4r!! :D

also methinks sophie needs her own blog :p

For the sake of airing my point of view...

daniel wrote about smtgd in his new weblog.. and my response will be aired here becoz i feel like it..

Firstly, I agree. we are utterly short handed. I agree. And daniel has been doing a lot (too much) work.. like benuel. I agree.

We have been quite disorganised. I agree.

His emphasis on the negative. I disagree.

Yea, he said idealism has given away to practical concerns. I dont believe that is or should be the case. idealism shd always be at the forefront of any enterprise- despite the importance of practicality. If you do not have idealism in front, there is no longer any point to work. Because in my opinion at least, you do what you feel is best.

"ill-organised staff, uncooperative canners and unresponsive equipment can fairly tie up anyone's consciousness into knots"

True. True. But i resent the impications of "ill-organised staff". At least for myself, I have always been the first to admit to my shortcomings. Yet, I resent the force of the discription because having been through the processes with all the core committee people you know how hard they've worked; indeed how they've given their best. That to me, is almost the most important. No doubt dan realises they've done their best too. i suppose the difference lies in how my priority is your best effort while dan's is the best results.

"But that's not to say that miracles didn't happen."

Another point of contention- how when things go wrong it is our screw up and when things go right it is a miracle. I've been told i treat myself too harshly. Somehow, I feel this is treating somethingood too harshly. I mean yea, we can't -plan- for bands to introduce us to places like Boons but we can plan to treat them nicely so they're happy with us and hence would be more likely to help us out. In the same way we couldn't have 'screwed up' the weather and God knows we can't put every band indoors even if there wsa space.

"So you see, real volunteerism doesn't come from the canners... or even from us, but from the most unexpected of places."

I agree. Volunteerism comes form the most unlikely places but if what we're doing isn't real volunteerism than i don't know what the fuck is. (No, I dont mean that personally really... I'm just really frustrated at such harsh detractions when so much work has gone in).

"The best moment so far was when NJ Western Dance, who busked at Ngee Ann yesterday, danced practically nonstop around noon, and then got talent spotted for a potential gig worth a few hundred"
Yup, and the HC/RJ quartet got half a dozen (or more) job offers too.

I really dislike the description "lackadaisical planning and organisation". Again, just because the thing isn't perfect... or even if it's far from perfect. I think we've done our best. I don't think everyone sees/understands that.

"No matter how much we mean well, if we can't do it, then it will count for very little."
Lastly, no... the most important thing of all is not a perfect or even smooth event, it is the idealism and desire to do good behind it. and it's the experience and memories we take from it that will stand up in our memories and be counted.

Yup... my two cents worth... not sure wad the rest of you think. Today was a niie day. It was very relaxed on my part (since I wasnt even due down). Loud music, raves, starbucks seats... yea, tis was a good day.

I am depressed. i just cooked a dinner of half raw pork. And my friends actually ate it. O_O I feel very depressed.

oh yeah--this must surely rank as one of the coolest openings ever.

it's from the nov 2004 issue of national geographic; article title: "world of terror" (for all that, it's surprisingly short); writer: walter laqueur.

As the new century began, an epidemic of terrorism spread panic across the globe. In world capitals, leaders fortified their security and curtailed public appearances. Ordinary citizens felt unsafe walking the streets of major cities, while the terrorists themselves were like phantoms--everywhere and nowhere at the same time, seemingly able to strike at will. Terrorism became the preoccupation of police and politicians, bakners and business leaders. Headlines screamed out news of the latest outrage: "WASHINGTON STUNNED BY THE TRAGEDY" in one paper, "IN GREAT PERIL" in another. One horrific September terrorist attack, in the United States, sent the stock market reeling and sparked anti-immigrant sentiment. Another attack, in Madrid, plunged Spanish politics into turmoil over issues of war and peace. Politicians in the U.S. took to describing the war on terror as a struggle of good versus evil, while some religious leaders, quoting scripture, proclaimed that the end of the world was at hand.

The year was 1901.


uncanny.

class announcement:

BY ORDER OF KITSON:

there is to be a 1a13a (ugh can you imagine next year we become 2a13a) class gathering on the 27th! of december! afternoon/ evening.

to celebrate kitson's return and mourn his absence (which will begin on jan7 i think). and uh just gather, in general.

so. speak now or forever hold your peace. =)

and also, we need people to volunteer venues.

today has been.. a bad-good day. It was good because we got somethingood off the road quite smoothly without benuel and chunlong. Of course there was Daniel, I'm beginning to think he thinks me quite useless but that's besides the point. (I hope he doesn't read this). Daniel's a very meticulous and organised person, a trait I greatly appreciate because he's the kinda guy who would do everything he promises to do and do it well. He doesn't tell you he'll do something and back out, nor does he produce shoddy work. But I suppose, everyone's work ethics/ability part at some point. I'm quite shoddy with my work. Slap stick. He doesn't seem too pleased that things havent been as organised as it should be. I don't know what to say when people aren't satisfied. Because I can't say anything. I can't say I'll make it better when I cannot do that. But at least, i do believe everyone has tried their best and that is what matters the most to me.

Today is my last day of work. I thought it was yesterday so I turned up at Orchard and set the shaw house and accapella station up. Was canning very happily (I think I'm happiest a canner) when suddenly my phone rang. It was my boss. She said "This is your last day of work. Why aren't you here??!?!" and she was very annoyed. I felt really bad esp since I'd already skipped monday. She told me to come for the second half of the day. so here I am. but there was the problem of the shaw house station.

How could I leave the station with a canner?? When this was -shaw house- the money bringer. And the head quarter station. And worst of all, I feel I am not showing as much commitment as I am expecting of the others, by disappearing like that. If it had been someone else I would be cursing. So I called Vaish. Thong was due back anyway. Then I got Ian to cover while his canners had their lunch break. And left.

I'm sorry Daniel. Last night I was freaking out to the guys and grace that they were 'abandoning' me. Not that I thought they would actually abandon me but Grace said no one from the core committee wld be down tomorrow besides me so I freaked. And then I just ran off leaving -them-. I dunno...

I feel I'm messing up badly.

I'm expecting of others what I am not giving myself. But I am afraid, that if I don't expect from others, nor push them, that somethingood would collapse. Because it really has to be a group effort. and everyone is tired and irritable. Some people probably didn't realise how much work it would be when they agreed to help out and now are wishing they didn't sign up for it. But what can we do when the show is already on the road? We can't let them back out. I'm sorry you guys. I am. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep apologising.

All I've been doing all these holidays is apologise. Because of so many of my shortcomings I wish I didn't have but am very aware of. I guess this is a public apology to everyone whose toes I've stepped on. To everyone I've pushed harder than I have right to. To everyone I've yelled at in my haste and hurry. Perhaps that's why I won't make a good leader. because I don't have the cool to handle differment from what we planned.

I must say, last night was fun. I love having you guys over. Tomorrow I'm having an MOE meeting to 'end' my work attachment. Let's hope to God they'll let me out of it so i can go somethingood. I can't keep skipping it like this.

I dunno. I'm confused honestly. I can't tell you if I think overall things have been 'good' or 'bad' but I can tell you what has happened. And you'll have to decide yourself. because my opinion differs from other people, just as others differ from others. Personally, I think things that have happened has been good. Because I truly believe everyone who matters have tried their best and have given more than is expected of them. But perhaps, the results don't show that? Personally I judge a 'good' performance relative to how good it could be based on what I think the people can offer. And I think somethingood has been really good.

I'm worried. Benuel says people are watching is and might be trying to rob us. I guess we need to be cautious.

Chunlong seems tired but he came down for somethingood today. which confuses me all the more. Does he like this or does he not? Benuel is fine I know, but he just needs his rest. Benuel likes work. He's a worker. Daniel? You tend to think Daniel takes things stoically but lately I've been seeing the irritation. I understand but that confuses me too. Claud has been working. Viv and Jud tend to come when they're supposed to so you can depend on them. Shoojee keeps silently in the corner and I'm not sure if he thinks I'm stressed so is keeping away or if he's pissed at me for being a complete bitch. I yelled at Yumun because Bao En was still at PS at 2 when I said be at Shaw by 2. I yelled at a lot of people in the past few days. Mostly because they ain't listening to me. They're saying 'okay' to me without taking what i say seriously. But you know, I shouldn't. (part of me still wishes people would start listening).

I want a colony of robots to run. Coz my mum says I can't live with people. She says I have the equivilant of attitude problems (as nice as a mum can say it). Grace got pissed at me this morning coz I was talking to her in an accusatory tone. I'm sorry. I really am. It ain't your fault.

I need to get away from being myself for a long while. I need to stop worrying and let everything fall into place on its own. But I think I'm still holding on to that desire to change my life or change other people's lives. I think in my haste I have been messing up a lot. I wanna make a difference. But I guess that's why most people don't -work- things. Because it's really hard (in my opinion) not to mess up.

I wonder if anyone can imagine the number of calls I've been getting from people complaining about one thing or another. I wonder if strangers think before they come up to me and say we can steal money from big slits. The insinuation. But then society is a suspicious one. it's understandable too since there are so many bad people around. People come up and say "why are you doing this? The government is lying to you. how much money goes to the children and how much goes to operational costs?" I guess they have a right to know where their money goes to but what else can be done on our part than to collect money from the public. I can't ask CCF about the money nor tell them this money MUST go to the kids. that's their jurisdiction.

The best times are when people seem genuinely interested about why we're doing this. When they don't suspect us of siphoning off the money. When they don't dismiss it as "oh school organised. For CIP right?" Every single thing that went into this event was done by the somethignood committee. The school (though through no fault of their own) have added to our bureaucracy. No teacher has done paper work for us. So it's just kinda, disspointing to have everything dismissed as 'school organised'. Today a lady came up and listened to the quartet for a long while (It has been by far the largest earner of all our performances) and she said "I'm a cancer survivor myself". Those are the best times. Today an elderly man came up to me and dumped a whole bag of 5 cent coins on my tin. ten dollars worth. Another guy asked if the quartet would be coming back. I met nice people like aaron from A Vacent Affair (by the way viv, he went to Ngee Ann Sec).. so those were the good times. and those hopefully, will be the times I remember when all is said and done.

PS. I'm still waiting for a repeat of the 2002 musicweed event when some random guys came up to me and gave me ribena beause they thought I was tired. haha sorta begar-like. And when people asked if I was spastic. And when some people came and gave us toys for the spastic kids. Good times. The things I remember.

Well! I was just down at Orchard (lunch break) and am absolutely delighted to say that manpower has done a fantastic job with today so a round of applause please for Chunlong, Claudia, Vivien and Chun Yee! Chunlong in particular has had to put up with me literally yelling and raising my voice at him all the time so KUDOS everyone! Good Job. Good job!

For once, the canners didn't run away. (It's illegal) and what was amazing was that when i went to Shaw House where Blee and Vaish were with a few others, every canner was actually asking for money!! It must be the shade, and the music and of course the canners too haha. It was a marvellous fanstastic surprise. esp since I hadnt told anyone I'd be down... spot check. haha, don't like the idea of it running without me mah... so GOOD JOB vaish and blee! And the others at Shaw.

I then went to Ngee Ann, good too except the poor MadHatters were singing without mikes and therefore looked quite sad.. haha but they were nonetheless very enthusiastic so am very pleased about that. I don't know how the collection will be today but on account of the marvellous canners, today is already a success (in my eyes).

Finally I dropped by at Plaza Singapura. Extremely relived to see that our amps weren't being tortured with death metal again. O_O instead there was this pleasant band with pleasant sweet (male) voices. Twas good. And I went to look for all the canners and wa la! They were all there too! So excellent job thank you so much for coming down everyone!

Tomorrow Benuel will be taking his break (a well deserved one too!). The poor boy has been down a record number of 7 days! and the event so far is in it's 7th day. :) So it's time for benuel to sleep. CALLING FOR TECH GUYS! We need more tech guys so Benuel won't die. This is the SAVE THE BENUEL CAMPAIGN. On a more serious note, we really do need more technical assistance so please let any of us know if you can or if you know someone who can help out.

US= me, chunlong, benuel, mark tan(s), claud, viv, anyone who can get the info back to the SCHEDULING people in particular Vivien who is in charge of calling committee and Staff every day.

Should today be successful, the record will stand at 4 PASSES (excellent passes perhaps?), 1 major screwup, 1 screw up due to rain. =D Keep going all, we have 9 more days to go!

Lastly, we need more HUMANS people DOWN! Or people we know. Sorry, now now don't start screaming elitism to me. The reason why I'm asking for humans people is coz I know humans people okay? I really hate having to clarify this everytime. If there are SCIENCE people like MingFei who can come down or non-RJ people like Zhuoyi (RI) pls let us know too. The only criteria you must meet is --> have a conscience. basically be the type of person who wont slack yourself. if you love doing volunteer work/want something meaningful these hols, that's a definite plus. Thank you!

incidentally, i heard this very strange ave maria the other day (as in classical music), does anyone know where it's from? it's very militant; you could march to it. which i think should make it easy enough to identify even though there are so many of them. the a-ve ma-ri-a syllables are sung on off-beats. i rather like it =)

hellohellohello i haven't posted here in a long time it seems =) anyway i am back (actually, was back some time ago) from chiangmai, which was a very good trip. i swear there is nothing that gives more kick than riding in the open back of a 4wd pickup truck thing, sans parental supervision, and at extremely high speeds down thai mountain roads.

and oh oh everyone must hear about how i got /captain corelli's mandolin/ and /memoirs of a geisha/ at 50cents each, and in pretty good condition. -happy- church jumble sales of items accumulated over the past 10+ years rock, utterly.

random bit of trivia--did you know that there's a town in wyoming called kelly? according to national geographic it has a population of 240. and, judging from the photos, lovely scenery.

Winners of the Ig Nobel Prize

i just thought you lot would love something like this. grin.

this week has been great because I have the best of friends. On Monday morning I woke up at Ju's after a night of um.. meet-the-classmates. Today I woke up at Jerm's after his must-have annual sleepover. You see, in the gang there are a few must-haves each year. Firstly, Ju's New Years Sleepover. That's probably the foremost Must Have. Last year's feature was Lucas pole dancing (chain notwithstanding!). Apparently this year he's come up with something more juicy (i cant wait). The others are in no particular order. we need a sufficient number of Ju-parties, probably 2 at least. And we have at least one Jerm party (usually his birthday) and we have a Jerm-Sleepover (which is the only sleepover I know that ends up having more girls than guys when it's a guy's place).

On the topic of Lucas, we actually made a recording of it and passed it to someone who added music to it and burnt it into a CD for us. Somehow that got around.. it was funny, I saw it myself. And I've got pictures too. Lucas is highly qualified. he has pole danced with Ju's kitchen curtain pole, the MRT hand rail, Bus rails amoung others. =D

Because I am on a work attachment, I've had to creep out everyday, make myself breakfast cereal and go work. O_o yesterday Lyn and Ju wanted me to wake them up so we can go draw on jerm's face before he wakes up but as usual, you wake the girls up and they grunt before going back to sleep (claud's the best at this). Ju woke up though, gave a grin and said "see? I told you I'd wake up!" before going back to sleep again. =P

To all those who have said they're coming down for somethingood, keep to it yes? We can't quite do with absentees. Thank u!

what's the word when you think fondly of a person/group of people and as you're working throughout the day you get flashes of thought that you turn to share with that person/group only to realise they're not there but rather than feeling sad or nostalgic or anything similar to a nosebleed you laugh and store it away for future reference because you are absolutely positive you will see them again and tell them and have them laugh and you know that when their faces light up yours will too with the glow of having them around again?

well, that one. for you lot =)

I've just had a great weekend.. haha

Spent last week dating (lol, I wish) my ex-classmate who happens to be not just half italian, but also my best friend (so he claims) in kindy. heh. I don't remember him being my -best- friend though he was my best -boy- friend. hahaha yea but it was lovely and very very fun. Then slept at ju's place yesterday which was also fun except she has wierd friends. LoL

good morning!

chunlong just woke me up by cleverly calling my phone. >.< now i am coffee starved. time to break out the syringes!

haiyar.... the way people write about all these nobel peace prize winners... Florence Nightingale 'sacrificed' her sleep to look after the soldiers, Mother Teresa 'sacrificed' her sleep to learn medicine... I also 'sacrifice' my sleep wad!! Why aint I given the mobel peace prize? There--> Sister Sophia 'sacrificed' her sleep to read a book for Hist S. She has been 'sacrificing' her sleep for a long time to please the Singapore government. Isn't that quite a worthy cause? :D

And Sowden spams a lot... haha.. (Nasty on msn)

the blow job in the library's the very essence of it, the sanctified transgression, the campus black mass. says:
haha exactly tt guy he redefines spam -- those sort tt you'd actually feel a pang of guilt after deleting

my sleep cycles have become totally b0rked. 4am to noon, regularly now. stopped drinking coffee at 6pm today (i stopped at 2am last night) but i see no difference in wakefulness. i'm typing slower and more stiffly, but that's due in large part to the wonky, sticky keyboard. i feel ridiculously alert, good enough to start my essays, or something. (think or something is more likely though)

can someone please insomniac with me. i think 36 hours of staying awake will knock everything back into place.

tummy hurting from laughing too much. perhaps its time i did some work. yes, perhaps. (hahahahaha the song! perhaps, perhaps, perrrrrrrhaps!)

this morning there was no coffee in the seminar room. me andi jen and ben went zombieing around iseas moaning "coffee. coffeeeeeeeee" (well jen and ben were going "teeeeeaaaa"). went into the staff lounge with that refrain when we saw this researcher sitting there. talked to him for a while, and as we were leaving, andi picked up where we had left off "coffeeeeeeee". finally lovely nasty (HAHA lovely nasty oxymoron!) got us beverage of choice from clementi macs, bless her soul(?). saw a kwokalike today! freakily similar. ooh and did you know there's a myanmar ethnic group called.......KAYAH? yep. kayah. that set us off in hysterics for a while too. heh =P

back to investigating ethno-nationalism. wheeeeeeeee!

the fact that these commands
> k merc
> tf neck
> stab merc wes
> tai
> ce
> gmfc
> bc
> tan
> tf none
make sense to me is quite scary.

(p/s if you can decipher what they mean i will be scared of you, too.)

i'm quite surprised at the ease with which you can get people's numbers. i mean, if you know the right people and who to ask for, who to mention- phwoar.

ahha!