the title might not come true but at least for a while, I'll be offline. RJ's com labs aren't up and RI took theirs down for a while. The boarding mistresses care too little to let me use theirs. Only by the kindness of my level tutor did I manage to get online. so... here goes. my last post.

Firstly, happy new year all I hope you had a somewhat enjoyable if not at last bearable first day. It was great seeing everyone again.

Secondly, I really need to close up somethingood for good. As in, I need to get the reports done, need to get the accounts settled and need to make sure manpower gets CIP logs out. Or everyone will have more reason to rbeath down my neck about it.

I found a really politely worded pleasant letter in the somethingood mailbox enittled 'feedback for busking'. Was from NJ guitar I believe who were amoung the many(?) buskers who weren't too pleased about the organisation. hah... well, am getting used to hearing 'organisational screwup' whereever I turn but that's okay.. sort of anyway. Thing is, I started out saying it'd be worthwhile so long as some people are touched by it and hopefully would carry on the whole charity thing (perhaps they'll be more organised than me).

For all the screwups, completely honest, I feel a sort of responsibility for them all since I started somethingood. Nonetheless, it's good to have the committee there to share the blame. =D Kaiyun (of NJ guitar) said the feedback was to help improve further activities we organise. I laughed. Not because of the e-mail truly. I am really grateful for the maturity it showed esp when I bet they were really pissed. But I laughed at the 'future activities' bit because no way in my life am I going to organise another activity (esp not for charity) again. That reminds me, sam, I'm not goign to do anything for tsunami people. sorry haha, enough people are doing it anyway and even if no one was I wouldn't put my feet into those waters for about a decade or so. Or maybe I will but in a small unimportant way.

What have I learnt (besides that I'm not ready yet for handling such big events). I've learnt to shut out the noise (you have to when everyone's complaining). I've learnt to appreciate others more (because you kinda feel unappreciated). I've learnt to understand (a bit more) when Claud screams her head off when she's stressed. I've learnt to try my best and not scream, though I tend to fail. Most importantly, I learnt to cut myself some slack. Life isn't about chasing your dreams. not always. That's where somethingood has been a turning point.

I've always lived by the principal that we have to be go getters. You dream big so you get big. stuff like that. and I worked hard at my dreams. buttt... i've learnt that it probably isn't the best principal to live by (like jon said, the higher you climb -or try to climb i might add- the further there is to fall). I think I'll take a leaf from daniel (teh's) book and keep to myself a bit more. In terms of what I do I mean. I'll try. Not easy I guess.

This year I want to be self centered. =D I feel like i've gone out too far and now need to come back to myself. Do I regret somethingood? Honestly, a bit. You do regret mistakes. For most of it, I just want to be over and done with it. Like I said, it was a once in a lifetime thing (I don't want to do this again!). It has changed the way I see some things so that's good I suppose. but hey, at least some people did enjoy it.

So here's to the end. (As soon as it comes). And good riddance (you'll start being a good memory when all the bad bits fade away).

To the committee... thanks man. really. although I feel this isn't the thing for me, i think you guys were great.

i guess what sucks (the most?), besides having to face the music due to ex-problems that is, is the trip back to self discovery. Or in simpler terms... where exactly does the sophia lie? Not in math (I honestly thought my niche would be in math... before I came to singapore), not in lit (surprise surprise), not in debate, not in charity, not in people relations, not in music (i miss my lessons), not in being a girl (think uh... girls in chort skirts go figure), not in computers (a thing that ended when I came to singapore). It isn't nice not being good or at least very involved in something... but... for now that's okay. this year I shall try to exhibit less of myself here. or anywhere else.

somehow, i feel like i've been hurt somewhere.

p.s. to anyone I've hurt or pissed off in the past year, I do apologise. With the new year, I hope we can start things anew.